40 sucks!

"40 is the new 20".... yeah, whoever decided that lied. I've been 40 for 4 months now and I would like to cancel my subscription please. And I'm not even sure if it's actually the turning of 40, or the fact that I am in that "middle aged" season of my life where nothing is fun anymore, I'm constantly tired, my back hurts if I sneeze, and my weekends are spent cleaning the house no one ever seems to want to clean during the week. 

And I'm not saying I don't appreciate having a house to clean and kids to run places, but sometimes I would like to just stay out till 2 AM dancing and drinking with friends by a bonfire and not have to wake up at the ass crack of dawn the next day. Or go on a vacation that doesn't include theme parks and 400 bathroom breaks, and barf bags and gravol because kids get car sick, and a car that smells like a locker room because boys are disgusting. 

I also thought being married in my 40's would be a whole lot more fun. Instead, it's basically like having a grown adult child who is also my roommate, who acts like a 16-year-old but also argues like a 10-year-old and has the grooming habits of a toddler. The concept of folding the quilt and putting it on the back of the recliner after using it was lost after the 5th time of me asking. Not to mention the socks shoved in said recliner, the entire side of the bedroom littered in dirty laundry, the 6 loads of laundry that I will now need to sort tonight because it's just easier to shove it in whichever empty space we can find then to just sort it into the baskets on the floor.

At 40 I have become a zoo keeper for a zoo that I created. Except this zoo all the animals run amuck, there is feces being thrown, and I am in the middle trying to just keep it together enough that we don't look insane. 

I now understand why women go crazy and start collecting things and talking to themselves. And then I see other women my age who have their shit together and I think maybe it's not being 40, maybe it's just me. I should be able to balance working, keeping up the house, making sure my children get to their appointments, cooking well balanced meals, getting adequate rest. Other working moms out there are doing it. And I'm stuck here sitting in a mess of a house feeding my kids Dino Nuggets because the thought of cooking an actual meal is so daunting, and half the time someone complains about it, or doesn't want to eat it, or had a late lunch so isn't hungry. 

Also when did life become so damn expensive? At 40 I imagined I would be able to afford things like weekend getaways, or you know groceries. But instead, I am counting spare change to buy a coffee in the morning because my bank balance has just enough to pay the orthodontic bill this month. 

I'm exhausted. 

**If you made it to the end of this rant, thank you. This was more for myself than it was for anyone to read.** 

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